the starter pack to get yourselves a hot ceo !

Struggling with college pressure? Does your company overwork you? Is your family forcing you into a marriage? 

Worry not! A vertical screen chinese drama protagonist has always got it worse! So, sit back, strap in and hold on, for we're in for a wild ride! 

Oh! Almost forgot — did you pack a bag? You know, your starter pack? You wouldn't survive without it!

Of course, all you need is: 

— aphrodisiacs, 

— healing balms, 

— hangover medication, and

— your legal documents (for marriage purposes)

That's it! You're all set and ready to go!

Come along, I'll indulge you into very wattpad-lorn-lass' escapist fantasy.

Here, in the world of chinese mobile dramas, you should find: 

HOT CEOs, TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN MEN, RICHER THAN THE RICHEST MAN YOU COULD DREAM OF ✨

Though, rich hot men always come around with cons! Most of the time, they'll just pretend to be poor after they're forced to marry you and you've got to deal with it (don't worry though, they'll always secretly protect you). 

Mostly, they'll accidentally sleep with you, after being drunk, consider you a gold digger after their insane wealth, give you a $10 million bank card and abandon you with a cold gaze. (Do not worry, you can lure him back with pregnancy. That's the law of the short drama world!)

Often, they'll take responsibility after sleeping with you but that's when they misunderstand you for someone else (cause you ran away before he could wake up) and bring that woman home.

Brilliant segue into that other woman trope.

Oh my, oh my, oh my, the way you shall be mistreated, harmed, humiliated and degraded would put any sane folk in an asylum. Welcome, the other woman! Most often, the childhood sweetheart. She's beautiful, she's successful, she's rich, she's all that you're not and somehow — she still wants you dead. Obliterated. 

She lacks any morsel of humanity and more often than not, she is irredeemable. 

She can also be your evil step-sister, or the girl who got adopted when you were kidnapped away, or the girl whose maid of a mother replaced you (the original heiress) with her in the cradle (because babies are unrecogniseable, of course, and poor mother only wanted her biological daughter to live a good life ✨). 

Her main mission is to slap you. It's her quest of existence. You cannot experience an encounter with the other woman without getting slapped! That's defying the holy rules of vertical screen dramas. Slapping is a must!

Do not worry though, you will always get a chance to slap back! If you're begrudging (like I am) you'll even ruin the other woman's life! Usually ends up with her ending up in an abusive relationship with your ex. Though, if you're merely magnanimous, she'll only lose her money, titles and status. bleh.

Also, get ready to meet beautiful grandparents who absolutely pamper and spoil you! And evil mothers and fathers who want to sell you off for money or get the other woman married to your man. It's either of the two, no in between. 

Their grandsons are getting older and they fear they might pass without seeing a great-grandchild! Blasphemous! So, they take matters in their own hands — pretending to he poor and meeting you on the street.

Will you help a poor old person on the road? They could secretly be the richest old person in the world. It all depends on you! 

They might meet you anywhere. anytime. Your kindness is what will bring that filthy rich marriage proposal. Are you ready? I'll list out some types. Tell me which ones you'd help:

— an old woman dressed in rags, holding your leg, begging you to marry a man on a stretcher (he's very much alive, just taped to the stretcher and his mouth is also stuffed and taped shut) who has been in coma for a while. 

— a cleaning lady at your company who clings to you after you treat her nicely and begs you to marry her son.

— an old man in front of a street stall, being thrown around because he did not have $10 for one hot snack.

— an old man having a heart attack in the middle of the street.

Pick your pick, be kind and wealth would await you (only in dramaland though). In reality, what would await you is human trafficking and organ harvesting (God forbid). 

Be safe out there 💗 and remember, keep your aphrodisiac stocked, your slapping hand ready and remember: in dramaland, you're always one coma patient away from eternal wealth 💅